Fun with Alzheimer's

No, it isn’t fun, but some of the things that elderly parents or other loved ones with Alzheimer's do are funny! My mother is a perfect example of those that, if allowed, can live and die with Alzheimer's and still keep their dignity.

My sister and I are a lot alike (except that she is MUCH older than I am). We look alike. We sound alike. We like the same sports. We like the same foods. Even my dog, who hates everyone except me, likes her. One area, though, where we were very different was how to cope with our mother’s memory loss.

She spent much time correcting when Mom said or did something outlandish or incorrect. “No, Mom,” she’d say. “You know you live here at the nursing home with Dad and can’t go home.” “No, Mom,” she’d say. “You remember that we talked about your bank account yesterday.” “Mom, that’s not a knife…it’s a fork.” It frustrated both of them.

I coped with Mom’s dementia by simply meeting her where she was. I’d walk in and say, “Hi Mom! Where are we today?” “Oh,” she’d say, her eyes lighting up, “we have to watch the turkeys that are in the front forty and make sure they don’t fly over the fence.” “Great!” I’d reply, “I love to watch those turkeys!”

It is terribly tempting to correct, remind, extol, exhort, appeal, correct, and even pander to your loved one with memory loss. You hope for a break through, a return to lucidity, and to have your fully functioning parent back for a few minutes or hours. But, I found that it only served to ruin the time you spent together. I believe I had 3 years longer with Mom than my sister did because I actually enjoyed her company, her stories, her fantasies, her hallucinations and her disorientation and my sister, well, she grieved it.

I’d encourage you to try letting go and allowing them to keep their dignity. Let them be where they are, doing whatever they’re doing, and join in. You might actually learn some facts from the past and you both will be able to simply enjoy each others' company.

Kim Woodward is owner of Senior Helpers, an in-home care and companionship service that provides elderly clients with the ability to live independently in their own homes and much needed respite for primary caregivers.